What Are Asexuality and Aromanticism?

Asexuality and aromanticism are orientations that describe how people experience attraction. They exist on spectrums, meaning there are many ways to experience them, and they're distinct from sexual orientation or relationship status.

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Asexuality refers to experiencing little to no sexual attraction to others. According to research from the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN), approximately 1% of the population identifies as asexual, though some surveys suggest the number may be higher when including the broader asexual spectrum. Sexual attraction is the desire to engage in sexual activity with another person. Someone who is asexual may still experience romantic attraction, want relationships, enjoy sex, or experience these things rarely or under specific circumstances.

Aromanticism refers to experiencing little to no romantic attraction to others. Romantic attraction is the desire for emotional intimacy and a romantic relationship with another person. Someone who is aromantic may still experience sexual attraction, value deep friendships, want companionship, or desire other forms of intimate connection. Like asexuality, aromanticism exists on a spectrum with many variations.

These identities are separate from one another. A person might be asexual but romantic, aromantic but sexual, both asexual and aromantic, or neither. They're also separate from someone's relationship status or how they choose to live their life. An asexual person may be married, single, or in various types of relationships. An aromantic person may have close platonic partnerships or live independently.

  • Asexuality describes sexual attraction (or lack thereof)
  • Aromanticism describes romantic attraction (or lack thereof)
  • These are separate concepts from sexual orientation, gender identity, or relationship choices
  • Both exist on spectrums with many experiences in between

Practical takeaway: Understanding that asexuality and aromanticism are about attraction—not about choices, relationships, or behavior—is the foundation for understanding these identities. They describe internal experiences rather than external actions.

The Asexual Spectrum: Variations and Nuance

Asexuality isn't a binary category. The asexual community has developed several terms to describe different positions on the asexual spectrum, reflecting the diversity of how people experience sexual attraction.

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Asexual (ace): Generally refers to someone who experiences little to no sexual attraction. This is an umbrella term that can include various experiences. Some asexual people never experience sexual attraction. Others experience it rarely, only under specific circumstances, or only after developing emotional connection with someone.

Demisexual: Someone who experiences sexual attraction only after forming a strong emotional bond with someone. A demisexual person might not experience sexual attraction to strangers or acquaintances but may experience it within a romantic relationship or deep friendship. Demisexuality is sometimes described as being on the asexual spectrum because sexual attraction isn't immediate or automatic.

Graysexual (or grey-asexual): Someone who experiences sexual attraction infrequently or with low intensity. A graysexual person might experience attraction occasionally, or their experience might fall somewhere between asexual and sexual. This term acknowledges that sexual attraction exists for them but isn't a regular or prominent feature of their experience.

Sex-favorable, sex-neutral, and sex-repulsed: These terms describe attitudes toward sexual activity itself, which differ from attraction. A sex-favorable asexual person may enjoy sexual activity even without sexual attraction. A sex-neutral asexual person may be indifferent about sex. A sex-repulsed asexual person may experience discomfort with sexual activity. These attitudes can vary over time or in different contexts.

Research on asexuality from the Journal of Asexuality and studies through organizations like AVEN show that many asexual people report their experience shifting or becoming clearer over time. Some describe not having words for their experience until encountering the asexual community. Others describe their experience as consistent throughout their lives.

  • Asexual is an umbrella term for many experiences of little to no sexual attraction
  • Demisexual describes sexual attraction that develops after emotional bonding
  • Graysexual describes infrequent or low-intensity sexual attraction
  • Sex-favorable, sex-neutral, and sex-repulsed describe feelings about sexual activity itself
  • Asexual experiences may be consistent or may shift throughout someone's lifetime

Practical takeaway: If someone identifies as asexual, asking what that means for them personally—rather than assuming—shows respect for their individual experience. The asexual spectrum includes many different ways of experiencing or not experiencing sexual attraction.

The Aromantic Spectrum: Different Ways of Experiencing Romance

Like asexuality, aromanticism exists on a spectrum with many variations. The romantic spectrum includes people who experience romantic attraction differently—from not at all to rarely to conditionally to intensely.

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Aromantic (aro): Generally refers to someone who experiences little to no romantic attraction. Some aromantic people never experience romantic attraction to anyone. Others experience it rarely or under particular circumstances. Aromanticism, like asexuality, is an umbrella term encompassing various experiences.

Demiromantic: Someone who experiences romantic attraction only after developing a strong emotional connection with someone. A demiromantic person might not feel romantic attraction to people they've just met but may develop it within an established friendship or after spending significant time with someone. This is similar to demisexual but specifically about romantic rather than sexual attraction.

Grayromantic (or grey-aromantic): Someone who experiences romantic attraction infrequently or with low intensity. A grayromantic person might experience attraction occasionally, or their experience might fall somewhere between aromantic and romantic. Their romantic feelings might vary in strength or only appear in specific situations.

Lithromantic (or akoiromantic): Someone who experiences romantic attraction but doesn't want it reciprocated or doesn't want a romantic relationship. A lithromantic person might develop feelings for someone but prefer those feelings to remain unreciprocated, or the feelings may fade once reciprocated. This is distinct from unrequited love because it's about the orientation itself rather than circumstance.

Aromantic people create diverse forms of connection. Some have queerplatonic relationships—close partnerships with committed intimacy that isn't traditionally romantic. Some prioritize friendships as their primary relationships. Some live independently while maintaining various meaningful connections. Research through communities like the Aromantic-spectrum Union for Recognition, Visibility, and Education (AURVEY) survey work shows aromantic people often define fulfilling lives in ways that differ from conventional relationship expectations.

  • Aromantic is an umbrella term for various experiences of little to no romantic attraction
  • Demiromantic describes romantic attraction that develops after emotional bonding
  • Grayromantic describes infrequent or low-intensity romantic attraction
  • Lithromantic describes experiencing romantic attraction without wanting reciprocation
  • Aromantic people build meaningful lives through diverse relationship and connection structures

Practical takeaway: Romantic attraction and romantic relationships are not the same thing. Someone can be aromantic but in relationships, or experience romantic attraction but choose not to pursue romantic relationships. Understanding the difference between attraction and life choices matters for understanding these identities.

Asexuality, Aromanticism, and Relationships

One common misunderstanding is that asexual or aromantic people cannot or do not have relationships. In reality, asexual and aromantic people build diverse relationship structures that work for their lives and needs.

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Asexual people in relationships: Many asexual people have romantic partners and marriages. An asexual person may enter a relationship with someone who is sexual and navigate this difference through communication, compromise, and sometimes creative solutions. Some couples where one partner is asexual report that decreased emphasis on sex actually improved their relationship communication and intimacy in other forms. Others choose to have open relationships, practice specific sexual arrangements, or